


Kintsugi

by MegsWrites



Category: EOS 10 (Podcast)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Missing Scene, Mostly Ryan/David, My boy Ryan just cannot catch a break, Not Beta Read, SO, Sad, Spoilers for the end of S4, a little bit Ryan/Ben, but a hopeful ending, fair warning i guess, its complicateddddddddd, like come on, to many - Freeform, too many feels yall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 02:08:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19758430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MegsWrites/pseuds/MegsWrites
Summary: Getting off Ecobar's ship is just the start of the longest day of Ryan's life. 4x08





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have to admit I didn't expect to ever be writing podcast fanfic but here we are. O.o I just burned through all of season 4 and I loved it (but also oh my heart). I just really wish we'd gotten a little bit more David and Ryan, so here's a little something I haven't been able to stop thinking about. Just let my boys rest!!! ;_______; 
> 
> Spoilers for the end of season 4. Like SERIOUSLY if you haven't finished AVERT YOUR EYES!

“Where have you been?” 

Ben stands in the door of the airlock and his face is a mask of anger. In a distant, fragmented part of his mind Ryan registers that it’s the first time he’s ever seen the other man _afraid_. He reaches out, grabbing Ryan by the arm, and yanks him into the relative safety of the ship. An explosion rocks the bay, far too close for comfort. They are out of time. Ben is scanning the empty space behind him, anger bleeding into confusion.

“Where’s Dr. Urvidian?” He asks, but Ryan can see on his face he already knows the answer. Ryan opens his mouth and he thinks he might scream but instead he just says,

“He’s not coming.” For a moment the weight of those words hang in the air between them. Ben’s arm jerks oddly, as if he started to reach out again but stopped himself mid movement. The explosion that follows is so close it knocks the ship off balance in its moorings; red light floods the airlock and a high pitched wail begins to sound. 

“We have to go.” Ben says, and there is an apology in his eyes. Ryan just nods and they run for the bridge. The floor shudders under their feet as they skid into the room and Ben throws himself into the Captains chair, his hands already flying over the controls. Everything is chaos, blinking lights and blaring alarms, but Ryan’s world narrows down to the figure crumpled up in the corner. David is propped against the ops station, his clothes are torn and dirty, his face a mess. A gash just under his hairline still weeping sluggish blood and his left cheek is blooming purple-black bruises, but its his utter stillness that floods Ryan’s body with terror. 

_Listen to me you son of a bitch, you don’t get to leave me._

The ship surges forward, clearing the docking bay seconds before the other ship bursts into a fiery supernova. The shockwave rolls through the bridge and knocks Ryan off his feat, the smooth metal of the floor is hot under his hands and knees. He scrambles to David, curling his own body around the other man’s unprotected head and shoulders. Behind him sparks fly and Ben lets out a steady stream of profanity. For three solid heartbeats Ryan is sure they are all about to die. _I’m sorry._ He thinks helplessly, flinging the words out into the void with the desperate hope that all those he’s let down might hear and understand. 

Incredibly, against all odds, the shockwave expands beyond them leaving shimmering debris in its wake and their little ship shudders and stills. 

“Ben?” Ryan calls out, still braced over David, unwilling to believe they’ve made it.

“Yeah.” Ben’s voice is shaky but he’s deliberately punching more commands into the interface before him with steady hands. He glances over his shoulder and flashes Ryan a grin. “See to the Commander. I’ve got this.” Its all the permission Ryan needs.

Rocking back on his heels he brings his hands up, gently turning David’s head to get a look at the damage. He’s almost certainly concussed, and his cheekbone is probably fractured. As gently as he can Ryan tests the soundness of the bone, under his hands David flinches, a low moan sliding past his bloody lips. 

“David? Can you hear me?” Ryan says, letting out a shaking breath when the commander’s eyes flutter open. The relief is short lived, David’s gaze is glassy and unfocused, his left pupil blown wider than his right. He blinks at Ryan with no comprehension in his expression before his eyes drift closed again. Confirmed concussion then, with the distinct possibility of a subdural hematoma. Swearing under his breath Ryan turns back to Ben. 

“What are the medical facilities on this ship like?” He snaps, angry even though the only reason any of them are alive is thanks to Ben. The other man seems to take his tone in stride and simply shakes his head apologetically. 

“Not great.” He says, “This was never meant to be much more than a pleasure boat. There’s a first aid station in the hall but no sick bay to speak of.” 

“Fuck. OK.” Ryan says, then points to a padded bench running along the opposite wall. “Can you help me get him over there?” 

Between the two of them they manage to get David across the room and lowered onto bench. There is one heart stopping moment when Ryan tries to loop an arm around David’s waist to take some of his weight and the commander lets out a sharp cry as his knees buckle nearly sending them all to the floor. 

“Watch his ribs.” Ben adds helpfully, using his strength to steady all three of them and get them moving again. 

“No shit.” Ryan hisses. They make it the rest of the way without incident. 

“I’ll get the med kit.” Ben says as Ryan eases David’s head back against the pristine upholstery, heedless of the blood that begins to seep into the ivory fabric. Gently he works the hem of David’s shirt up so he can get a look at his side. The bruising is bad, deep red and black already feathering out into purple, but the skin is unbroken which is something. Ryan runs his hands carefully over the hot skin and when he presses gently, testing the severity of the break, David groans and tries weakly to twist away from his touch.

“I’m sorry.” He murmurs, it seems to be all he can say anymore. “God David I’m so sorry.” Something like despair wells up in his throat, cutting off more words. How can it all be falling to pieces like this? How much more is he expected to lose?

“Here.” Ben says, dropping back into his line of sight, the med kit clutched in both hands. Ryan nods his thanks and rips the lid off. It’s woefully under stocked but there is a hand held diagnostic scanner. Its programing isn’t nearly as sophisticated as he wants it to be, but its enough to confirm what he already suspects. Concussion, the swelling isn’t too bad yet but he can tell if it goes untreated long it will be. David’s 6th through 9th ribs on his left side are all showing multiple fractures but no outright breaks. The most worrying thing however is the small laceration on his spleen, which is slowly bleeding out into his abdominal cavity. 

“Shit.” Ryan spits, that wave of despair crawling hot up the back of his throat, cutting off his air. “God damn it.” 

“Hey.” Ben, still crouched beside him, lays a hand on his arm, waiting until Ryan meets his eyes before saying, “He’s going to be fine. We got him out, we’ll get him home. OK?” When met with silence he gives the arm a little shake. “Ryan?”

“Yeah. Yes. OK.” Ryan says, pulls in a breath, counts to three then lets it out. Ben waits until he’s steady again before letting go. 

“Do what you can.” He says over his shoulder. “I’ll get us back as fast as possible.” 

Ryan sets to work, administers what he safely can, cleans the worst of the abrasions, starts a saline drip probably meant to treat dehydration and prays its enough to keep David’s blood pressure stable. He’s just pressing a dermal regeneration patch to the gash on his forehead when David groans softly and blinks hazily up. 

“Ryan?” He says and even though its barely a whisper it’s the most beautiful sound Ryan’s ever heard. 

“Hey.” He says softly, cupping David’s face gently, thumb grazing over his undamaged cheekbone. “Hi.” 

“Really you?” The words are slurred and muddy but Ryan can see the desperate hope in David’s eyes, he can hardly pull in enough breath to answer. 

“Yeah. Yeah its me. It’s really me.” 

Relief seems to flood through David’s body, Ryan can feel the tension go out of him like a cut string. 

“Thought I’d lost you.” David sighs, his eyes fluttering shut again. 

“No, hey.” Ryan gives the good cheek a soft pat, then a slightly firmer one. “I’m right here. Stay with me David.”

“Mmmm. Tired.”

“I know you are, but I need you to stay awake, can you do that for me? David? David??” Its no good, David stirs under his touch but his eyes stay closed. 

“Ben.” Ryan calls, his voice jagged. “We need to hurry.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got a little out of hand length wise, but there was a lot of ground to cover. I'm still not over it, but this helped. Hope you like it.

Somehow they make it back. As soon as they’re in coms range Ryan hails the station and holds his breath until he hears Jane’s voice crackle through the shaky connection. 

“Ryan? Oh my god! Are you ok?? We did it! We—“ the audio cuts with a burst of static and then returns. “—orry about that. Most of our systems are pretty busted up. I’m directing you to the dock with the least amount of damage.”

Its such an overwhelming relief to hear her voice that for a moment he has to use all his will to push against the tide of grief that keeps threatening to pull him under.

“Ryan? Are you still there?” There is fear in her voice now and he clears his throat, there will be time to fall apart later. Maybe.

“I’m here. Listen, I need you to have a trauma team waiting for us at the dock, David’s hurt.”

“David?” She sounds as surprised as he’d been to learn of the commander’s involvement. Whatever had happened must have gone down quickly. To her credit she doesn’t waste time asking questions.

“They’re on their way.” She says a moment later. “I have to stay here until the XO can make it back from the habitat rings, but I’ll be there just as soon as I can. Are you ok?”

“I’m fine.” He says, “I’ll see you soon.” And he cuts the connection before she can remember what she’s forgotten to ask.

Osolong is waiting with a stretcher and three nurses when they dock, Ryan meets them at the airlock, leading them to the bridge as he fills them in on the situation. They get David on the stretcher and as the trauma team rushes him away the other doctor catches Ryan by shoulder, his touch is solid and warm. 

“Dr. Urvidian?” He asks and Ryan suddenly understands that he’s going to have to answer this question over and over in the coming days. He swallows hard against the thought. Its too much and maybe Dr. Osolong can read that in his face because when Ryan simply shakes his head he just gives Ryan’s shoulder a squeeze and turns to follow the team.

“You’re coming too.” He calls without looking back, “Get someone to look at your head.” It’s the first time Ryan realizes he’s bleeding. It must have happened when he was fighting the giant death robot, or maybe when he was running through an exploding ship, or maybe…god he’s so tired. He doesn’t realize how long he’s been just standing in the middle of the corridor until Ben comes up.

“Ryan,” He says, “I have to go, I’m sorry.” There’s no reason for the words to feel like a blow to the chest, except for the fact that talking to Ben always feels that way. Even after all this time Ryan still isn’t used to hearing a semi stranger’s voice come out of a face he knows so well. It’s always a little bit unsettling but today its too raw and he has to look away. 

“You aren’t staying?” He asks his shoes. 

“I can’t.”

They stand there in awkward silence for a moment before Ben clears his throat and says,

“You should get to sick bay, let them look you over.”

“I need to check on David.” Ryan says, looking back up into Ben’s face. 

“Your commander’s a fighter.” Ben says in a voice a little too light. “I like him.”

“I do to.” Ryan answers quietly, “Very much.” Ben smiles at him and it hurts and sooths at the same time. Letting out a long breath Ryan makes his way toward the airlock, then turns and says,

“I’ll see you again right?” 

“Oh.” Ben says, a grin tugging at his lips. “I expect so.” 

“Good.” Ryan says, “That’s good.” Then he walks out of the ship without looking back.

By the time he gets to sick bay David is already in surgery. The on-call nurse, Barrett, tries to get him to come into an exam room but he waves her off. 

“I’m fine.” He says, “Just tell me the moment you hear something.” 

“Dr. Dalias—“ She begins but he cuts her off.

“Barrett, I’m perfectly fine. I’ll go clean up soon but I want to make sure I’m not needed for anything first alright?” He doesn’t mean for his tone to come out as cold as it does but since he feels like he’s holding on by a thread at this point he’ll take what he can get.

She frowns at him for a long moment but relents and he goes to sit down in the waiting area. That ends up being a mistake as it turns out. Its too quiet, to blank, there’s nothing to keep the knowledge he’s been pushing back against for hours now at bay. It creeps in like a low hanging fog, filling up his lungs and pressing down on his pounding heart. 

Gone gone gone gone gone. His fault. If only he’d been faster, less weak, if only he’d never gone to see Ecobar in the first place, had never needed the implant to begin with. His fault David is possibly fighting for his life, HIS fault the station is in pieces, HIS FAULT Horace is…

“Ryan?” Jane’s hand on his jerks him back to the waiting room. She’s standing in front of him, Levi hovering just behind. The light is too bright, the plastic of his chair too unyielding. He stands so quickly she takes a step back. She has a half healed graze on one cheek, he can’t remember if he’s the one responsible for it or not. 

“Ryan what happened? Is Commander Maddox alright? Is Dr. Urvidian with him? No one would tell me anything.” Her face is twisted in concern and dread and he doesn’t know how to tell her so he looks to Levi instead.

“You’re both OK?” he asks and Levi nods but doesn’t speak so he has no choice but to look back to Jane. He takes a breath, and begins to speak.

As simply as he can he lays it out; Ecobar’s plan, her nightmare of a child, the self-destruct sequence, Ben’s help and David’s rescue. 

“David is in surgery now,” He says as evenly as he can. “I haven’ heard anything yet.” 

“And Dr. Urvidian?” Jane asks, her voice is a whisper and he can see the tears in her eyes. “Where is he Ryan?” Then when no answer is forth coming she sucks in a breath and raises her voice. “Where is he??” Ryan lifts his eyes briefly to meet Levi’s and finds he already knows.

“Jane—“ Levi begins, but Ryan cuts him off because she deserves to hear it from the person responsible. 

“He’s gone Jane.” He says and she turns away from him, shoulders hunched against his words, “He tried to save me,” he reaches for her, to do what he’s not quite sure but the moment his fingers brush her arm she is whirling on him. In retrospect he should have seen it in the taught lines of her body but instead the punch catches him by surprise. Its not vicious, more reaction than intent, but after the last few hours he has so little left in him its enough to take him to the ground. She’s beside him the next moment, her arms around his neck, her face pressed into his shoulder where he can’t see her tears. 

“I’m sorry.” She says over and over, “Ryan I’m sorry.” Levi comes to crouch beside them and they stay that way until Barrett comes to find them. David’s doing well, there have been no complications.

“They’re just finishing up a few things now.” She says and Ryan is glad he’s still sitting on the floor because the relief is so dizzying he’d just have ended up here anyway. “Dr. Osolong thinks they’ll be finished within the hour. Once the Commander is settled in recovery you can see him.” 

“I want to see his chart.” Ryan says and Barrett raises an eyebrow at him. 

“I’ll get it for you, _after_ you let someone take a look at that.” She says pointedly looking at the blood on his face. 

“Its not a big deal.” He tries to say but Jane is already on her feet and tugging him up as well. 

“I’ll take care of it.” She says. Her tears are gone, replaced with that steely determination that tells him its useless to resist unless he wants to end up being Janed, so he just lets her pull him down the hall to the staff lounge. Once they’re inside she takes his face in her hands and studies the wound. “Its not deep but you might need a stitch or two.” She says, then gently yanks his chin down so she can look into his eyes. “I don’t think you’re concussed.” She says letting him go and striding across the room to a long row of lockers. 

“Go clean up.” She says briskly, as she returns and shoves a towel and a fresh set of scrubs into his arms then turns him toward the showers. “Levi will stay here in case you need anything. I’ll be back.” And then she’s gone in a whirlwind of movement. Levi just shrugs at him so there’s nothing to be done but comply. Ryan heads to the shower, closing the door firmly behind him. 

It takes longer than it should to get out of his clothes, grimy and worn from a week on the run. That time feels like a dream, like it happened to someone else. He knows he’ll have to grapple with it eventually, but at the moment its taking everything he has to just stay upright so he carefully puts those haze filled memories in a box and files them away. Once he’s stripped down and the water is running in the shower beside him he finally looks up to see his own reflection. He looks hollowed out, his hair is full of dust and blood, his skin too pale, his eyes too dark. He looks lost. He looks away. 

Stepping under the hot stream of water is a revelation, for a long time he lets it pour over him, watches as the dirt and grime swirl away in water tinged pink. David’s blood, Urvidian’s blood, his own blood, it all mixes together at his feet. He can feel it fresh on his skin, warm and slick and heavy. The way it soaked into his…father’s shirt, pushed past his fingers as he desperately tried to stem the flow. He can still smell it. When he reaches for the soap he realizes how badly his hands are shaking. _Don’t_ he tells himself firmly. _Don’t think about it now._ He scrubs his skin until its raw then stands under the water until it begins to go cold. Finally he forces himself out, towels off and pulls on the scrubs. There’s some comfort in that, they’re as familiar as a second skin and he finds he can stand a little straighter in them. 

“Dr. Dalias?” Levi calls through the door, his voice more hesitant than Ryan has ever heard it before. “Do you need anything?” 

“No. Thanks Levi.” He calls, surprised by how steady he sounds. “I’ll be right out.” 

When he makes his way back into the lounge Jane is back, a suture kit laid out on the table. 

“Sit.” She says, and he obeys. Her hands are surprisingly gentle and he closes his eyes, lets himself drift a little as she gets to work. Its almost a surprise when she pats him on the shoulder.

“There we go.” She says, “Much better. Here,” She hands him a water bottle and two pills. “Take those please.” He complies, draining the water in one go. He’s just setting the empty bottle back on the table when Barrett sticks her head in the door. She gives him an appraising look and seems content with what she finds because she says,

“Commander Maddox is in a room. I’ll take you down.” 

Ryan’s on his feet at once, swaying only slightly. When Jane reaches out to steady him he grabs her hand. 

“I know you have so many questions.” He says, looking between her and Levi, “I’ll answer them all I promise I just—“ 

“We know.” Jane says, squeezing his fingers before letting him go. “Go see the Commander. We’ll be here after.”

“Indeed.” Levi says, “Give him our best wishes for a speedy recovery.” 

He finds he can’t trust his voice so he just nods and follows Barrett out of the room and down the hall to the recovery unit. Its strange to walk the halls on this side of the equation, he’s had friends in these rooms before, hell he’s been in them himself, but it feels different this time, sharper, harsher. He wonders if it’s the loss of his implant that makes things feel that much bigger. Its another thing he hasn’t had time to really consider, he has no way of knowing what the eventual fallout of that decision will be. He can remember who he was before the implant and he’d give anything not to go back, but what other choice had there been? It’s a question he has no answer to. Add it to the list. They stop just outside the door and Barrett tells him Dr. Osolong will be along shortly with a full report before making her way back to the nurses’ station. 

The room is quiet when he enters, the lights dim save for the screen above the bed that flashes gentle greens and blues as it keeps tabs on its patient’s vitals. The numbers are good, better than good actually. Ryan pulls the single chair from the corner of the room to the bedside where he can keep an eye on the readouts and David’s face at the same time. He looks so much better it’s a little shocking. The bruises on his cheek have already undergone some dermal regeneration and are softening into greens and yellows around the edges. That terrible grey tint to his skin is gone, replaced by a soft flush. The knot in Ryan’s gut loosens ever so slightly. Careful not to dislodge any of the sensors or drips he reaches out and threads his fingers into David’s. His hand is cool and dry. 

“You did great.” He says softly, “You just focus on resting ok?” The only reply is the gentle beeping of the equipment. 

They sit like that in the stillness of recovery until Osolong comes in to make his report. He hands Ryan the tablet with all the comprehensive data before giving him the rundown. 

The procedures went well, no complications. He expects David to wake in the next few hours, though it will be a day or two before he’s cleared to bed-rest in his own quarters. He should be up and around in a week or so. The charts echo his words and Ryan is overflowing with gratitude. They discuss the particulars for a few minutes then Osolong clears his throat and says,

“I’m not going to ask for specifics now, but the Captain is coming by tomorrow and we’ll need to have a conversation before then. I know it feels callus, but we have to make sure this place continues to operate effectively, and that means making some hard decisions. I’ll pull the senior staff together tomorrow morning, say 0900? We can look over the options then.” Ryan knows he’s right, and Horace Urvidian wouldn’t want this place to fall apart on his account, but it feels like a sort of betrayal when he agrees. Dr. Osolong gives one sharp dip of his head then turns for the door. He stops with his hand outstretched to key it open and says, 

“I hope you know this is a loss we all feel deeply. The Old Man was the heart of this place, it wont be the same without him, I know how important he was to you, I’m very sorry.” He leaves before Ryan can think how to respond. His body is so heavy all of a sudden, his vision blurring in and out. Maybe he’ll just rest his head on the bed for a few minutes then he’ll go back over the chart and make sure he hasn’t missed anything. The sheets are cool and clean smelling and its all to easy to close his eyes. The world grays out around him and his last thought before he drifts off is he probably should have looked more closely at those pills Jane had given him. 

Its later, he’s not sure how much later, when he comes back to himself. His mouth feels like its full of dust and his back creaks uncomfortably. Someone is running their fingers through his hair. He jerks up and finds David watching him, his expression is tired but his gaze sharp and clear. When he smiles it makes Ryan’s heart stutter in his aching chest. 

“Hey there sleepy.” David says softly and Ryan can’t resist pulling their joined hands up so he can drop a kiss on David’s knuckles. 

“Hi.” He says, a little breathless. “How are you feeling?” 

“Like I got beat up by a giant robot.” David says laughing then grimacing. “Ouch.” The humor leaves his face quickly though, he reaches for Ryan with his good hand, running his fingers over the bandage at his temple. 

“What happened?” He asks.

“Ecobar was after me.” Ryan says quietly, finding he can’t quiet meet David’s gaze. “I guess she had some kind of master plan that involved my brain and her terrifying son, so she grabbed Dr. Urvidian and you as insurance maybe? I don’t know.” Looking up he tries to pour every ounce of his regret into his next words.  
“I’m so sorry David, its my fault that you were there at all, if she hadn’t known how important you are to me—“

“Hey.” David cuts him off, his face is more serious than Ryan has ever seen it. “Now you listen to me. Even if we weren’t together it would still be my job to keep you and every other person on this station safe. I would have tried to stop her regardless. Its not your fault.” 

_It is._ Ryan wants to scream. _Its all my fault, all of it._ But David is still talking. 

“I’m just sorry I couldn’t do more. You are important to me, and I know Urvidian is important to you. How is he?” 

“He’s dead.” It’s the first time he’s said it so bluntly and something deep within his chest cracks open. 

“Oh Ryan.” David whispers and that’s all it takes, the tears come hard and fast and he is helpless to stop them this time. There’s a rustle and a grunt and then David is tugging at his shoulder. 

“Ryan,” He says gently, “Come here.” 

“What?” Ryan chokes, realizing the other man has shifted over in the narrow bed. 

“I can’t reach you from here and I’d really like to hold you if you’ll let me.” 

“You’re hurt.” Ryan says weakly.

“So we’ll be careful, come on.” David’s face is so earnest and Ryan wants nothing else in the world so much as to be as close to this kind, good man as he can, so against his better judgment he craws into the empty space on the bed. David tugs him close, wrapping his arms around him as Ryan curls into his good side, his face presses into David’s neck. 

“I’m so sorry love,” David murmurs, against his skin, “I’m so so sorry.” And Ryan lets himself go. 

Later when all he has left are deep shuddering breaths he tells David the whole story. When he’s finished he feels hollow and scrubbed clean, its not ok, but it’s a little bit better. For now its enough. David rubs comforting circles on his back but Ryan can see how hard he's struggling to keep his eyes open. 

“You should rest.” He says, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to the undamaged corner of David’s mouth. 

“As long as you stay with me.” David says, his words already blurry by sleep.

Ryan doesn’t mean to drop off again, but he must because the next thing he knows he’s waking up again. Someone has pulled a blanket up over his shoulders. He glances first at David’s readout, encouraged to see all the numbers continuing to improve, then at the clock. 0630. He’ll have time to try to get caught up on rounds before his meeting with Osolong and the others, then he and Jane will go find Levi. They all have a lot to talk about. 

Easing his weight off the bed he stops when David mutters something, turning toward the now empty space in the bed. Carefully Ryan drops a soft kiss on his forehead. 

“I’ll be back soon, don’t go anywhere.” He says, grinning when David mumbles something that might be an agreement before settling deeper into the pillows. 

Its not going to be an easy day, but he’s determined to face it head on. After all, its what his father would have done.


End file.
